Tabby- Overheard In Paragon (1)

When I saw the Ascendant memorial in-game, I wanted to do a kind tribute.  For those that never knew him, he became famous for leaving his character AFK, talking on the telephone.   The one-sided conversations with his agent, his mother, and others became legend.

 I had a script I'd previously used to keybind banter among soldier mastermind pets and recently rewrote it in PowerShell and have been testing it out.   It takes a text file and breaks it up into a sequence of lines and keybinds to cycle through the conversation.

I've been paranoid about spamming chat too much, so for the most part, I've only run them in steel canyon near Ascendant when local chat seems totally dead.



(LANDLORD CALL)

• /em cellphone
• Hi, it's Tabitha Lachann.  Room 327.
• I prefer "feliform" rather than catgirl, but yes, that's me.
• I want to change the label on my mailbox.  
• It doesn't have my full name, for one. 
• I understand it's policy to have all lease-signers on it, but Allison Katzoski doesn't live here.  Leave her off and there's plenty of room.
• Misleading?  You abbreviated it to "Tabby - Alli. Kat."  How is that any better?
• No. Reversing things won't help.
• Well, I might as well just greet everyone, "HI, I'M TABBY THE ALLEY CAT"
• No, that doesn't have a nice ring to it.
• Yes, it's better than Lolcatgirl, but I'm not affiliated with that name either.
• I've seen the memes.
• And the website.
• /em facepalm
• /em cellphone
• That was deepfaked.
• /em doublefacepalm
• /em cellphone
• That one's real.
• Look, can you help?  I.. I have a hard enough time being taken seriously looking this ridiculous.  Couldn't we just make this one exception? 
• Yeah, the memes probably have a lot more to do with it than the name, but I'll take my victories where I can, no matter how small.
• Small defeats, too?  Classy.   Thanks for your time.
• /em frustrated
• /em text
• /em cellphone

(CASEWORKER CALL 1)

• Yeah, Tabitha.... Lachaan.  What do you mean, you can't find it?
• Try Tabby.
• Yes. that Tabby.  
• No, I can't help you get a free pizza.  I'm not affiliated with the site.
• /em waiting
• /em cellphone
• (sigh) Figures... can we get that updated?  I prefer Tabitha.
• No? great.   Whatever. So my normal caseworker's on maternity leave and somehow my community service project got shifted to Venice.
• Right- Crey's Folly. Someone should update the assignment forms.
• Yeah. A HAZARD ZONE.   First thing I noticed, too.
• That was the second thing I noticed.  I work solo.  Who assigned me to this team?
• Have you even looked at my file? I'm pretty sure I saw "doesn't play well with others" stamped across a bunch o pages.
• An area of personal growth?  Seriously?  Like working off ten goddamn thousand hours of community service isn't character-building enough?
• Well, can we at least take baby steps here?  
• They were feliform.   You might need a new stamp "REALLY doesn't play well with furries" for my file.
• Yes, I mean catgirls, OK?  Whatever happened to being PC?
• Ok, Well, 3 ...catgirls..., a foxgirl, and some kind of cat-dragon chimera guy. We weren't sure if he was officially with us or not. He just kept following us around and yiffing.
• No, of course none of them complained.  They're catgirls.   I was just amazed that they waited until after the patrol before yiffing back.
• Much.
• No, because I'm not a catgirl.
• Not all feliforms are catgirls.  
• Well, what's the first few things that come to mind when you hear "catgirl?"
• /em facepalm
• /em cellphone
• /em afraid
• /em cellphone
• ... I'm a bit amazed "cat tail and ears" didn't make your top 5, but yeah... that's what everyone thinks- accurately, probably, but not all feliforms are that... sociable.
• Think of catgirls as a subset of feliforms... ones that really like the horizontal hula.
• Yes, it does seem to be a large subset.  
• No, you can't just say other feliforms are catgirls with a repressed se... who don't like playing hide the cannoli.
• Because... for one... that's a fundamental contradiction in terms. like "dry water"
• No, I'm not.  I'm just in a public place.
• Do you have any idea what happens when a catgirl mentions... that... in public?   Crowds form.  
• Sometimes lines.
• My point is "feliform" describes physical characteristics whereas "catgirl" is a lifestyle choice with some negative connotations.
• Yes, there could be biological predispositions, too.  I get that.  I'm not judging.
• Ok, so "negative connotations" sounds a bit judging.  I'd just like to go down the street without random strangers approaching with pickup lines like, "I'm a pony, ride me."
• Just before this call, actually.
• Yeah, he seemed shocked and disappointed that I turned him down.  
• Well, shattering his worldview sounds a bit extreme.
• Human.  To be fully honest, I wish people would just see me as a normal human female.  I'm working on that.
• Yeah, I realize that.  Some creeps are just creeps, But at least there'll be fewer people that just shout, "WANNA DO THE NASTY?" from across the parking lot.
• /em afraid
• /em doublefacepalm
• /em cellphone
• I... I said that way too loud.
• A catgirl just shouted about doing the nasty in a monorail station.  What do you think?
• YES, feliform, thank you.
• /em batlookout
• /em cellphone
• I gotta run.   Can I just get assigned another neighborhood and team?   PLEASE? I swear, last time I'll ever ask.
• White Plains?  Haven't seen that on the subway map.  Can you text me the directions?
• Ok.  I'll check for it later.  Gotta run.
• /cce 2 CCSmokeBomb

Tabby's problems with her case managers have been a running gag.   I'm torn whether her issues are true bureaucratic snafu's or  some villainous prankster that's been intercepting her calls and sending Tabby on increasingly bizarre assignments / conditions for her "rehabilitation"

(Besties 1)

• /em cellphone
• Hi, Flambeaux.   It's Tabitha.
• Tabitha Lachann... we both go through the probationary hero program...
• Yes. Tabby, but I prefer... 
• ...nevermind.
• I just hadn't seen you since I got rescheduled.
• You're not going anymore? 
• Really?
• I... I... 
• That's a big step, isn't it?  I mean isn't this "our last chance to clean the slate and make amends for our past?"
• I'm pretty sure that was in bold- in RED- across the top of the paperwork.
• No, I don't want to be a downer.
• So... uh... new and exciting directions for you... I guess?
• Really?
• REALLY?
• /em text
• /em phone
• Uh, really?
• /em text
• /em phone
• Ah, I found it   It's... it's just like you described.  Kinda.  Mostly.  Well, you know how the news can be...
• No, I believed you, I just wanted to see the headlines.   Not many of my friends make the paper, particularly like that.
• Well, yeah.
• ... I wouldn't go as far as saying besties- I mean, we shared a waiting room in the program and grabbed grub together, but we never did what "best buddies" do- 
• ...like pajama parties or sneaking into clubs underage or spontaneously dancing in the street or whatever.  I dunno, never had any besties, I just go by what I see on TV.
• Well, the last time you invited me to a party it got leaked to naughtyneko.com.   I couldn't get anywhere near the place with those stalkers everywhere.
• No, I'm not blaming you.
• No, I'm not suggesting that you leaked it to get more people to show up to your party.
• You said that, not me. 
• Maybe.
• Look, um,  I know friends shouldn't let trivial things like this get between them, but I'm really hurting for cash this month.  Any chance you could pay me back?
• Yeah.  50 would cover everything.
• Really?
• So just meet you where?
• Another party?
• Kallisti Wharf?
• No.  that... that's fine.   I can do that.
• I guess I'll just see you there then.
• I can't wait either... bestie.
• bye
• /em text
• ok. wait for it...
• 3
• 2
• 1
• ... and there it is.  New post on naughtyneko.  Tabby attending can't-miss party with bestie Flambeaux in Kallisti Wharf.  
• Posted by Flamin Hot Ass.
• /em dustoff
• No better name for ya, girl.
• Well, I guess it's another month of ramien.
• /em text
• ... a supergroup recruitment drive next week.,,
• /em hmmm

(Recruitment 1)

• /em cellphone
• Hi, I saw your post about a supergroup recruitment event next Tuesday.
• Is it catered?
• Is that before or after the recruitment test?
• No, I just wondered...  Lusca? Probably not good to do that on a full stomach.
• I gotta doublecheck my schedule, but probably.
• Bye
• /em text 
• Ok, so that's a no for Tuesday, but if I wrangle things right, I can hit the Monday afternoon and evening events. Palm some leftovers to carry me over till Wednesday.
• Now... weekends... why doesn't anyone schedule anything for the weekends...